What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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