i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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