you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
