That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
