i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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