K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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