I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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