And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
