you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize