I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
