I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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