She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
