that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i think i just lost a toe
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
