i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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