You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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