maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
