a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
