I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Acid is not a monday night drug
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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