I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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