You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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