i don't like sucking hair
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
