Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
