i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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