So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
