So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
