Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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