Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pappa wants mamma naked
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
