and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
40s are totally the cure
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
