My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
