guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
