Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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