So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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