i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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