I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
