omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
