JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
