Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
