you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
