I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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