i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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