My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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