Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
