Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
