In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
