I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize