the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
