She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
