I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
