Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
