I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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