whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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