i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
These tits shall not be calmed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
