I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize