Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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