chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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