I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
