Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
