found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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