i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
