I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
