dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
