I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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