I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
