Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
