the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
