I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She's the barista slut.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
