How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dicks are not precious.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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